Got-Your-Back Tracker

I was having a terrible time keeping myself on the straight-and-narrow. I had worked my way all the way up to the green Newbie Number Tag. I was close to being considered a real Christian but I was sinning all the time. I needed help. I tried changing my habits. I tried changing my heart.... Continue Reading →

Newbie Number Tags

Thank you so much, Jesus Junk International. We were having trouble separating the "sheep from the goats," so-to-speak. We installed the turnstiles in the parking lots to get a more accurate count of attendance, but the newbies were sneaking through.We really needed a way to avoid another Twitter-gate. Ya' know, social media halts for no... Continue Reading →

Selfie Righteous

After an extended, albeit necessary developmental interlude, Jesus Junk International is back and stronger than ever. A little market research was in order. We wanted our collective finger on the erratic pulse of Christendom to decipher what products were most desired, needed, even necessary. It was a scary enterprise, to be sure, but one we wanted,... Continue Reading →

Dine-in Sanctuary

Remember those by-gone days when a refreshing malt was only the push of a button away? When a wheeled waitress would roll her way out to bring your tasty treat right to your seat, or even better, to your convertible? Remember rolling into a movie theater and never having to leave your car? Just grab... Continue Reading →

The Roulette Sanctuary

As a pastor, it is very frustrating, shares Pastor Boreman. People come early to get the good seats. By that I mean the ones in the back, near the door. We usually lose twenty-five percent of the congregation by the end of Sunday School and the rest begin to trickle out during the sermon. Heck,... Continue Reading →

Conference in a Carton

From the makers of Cathedral in a Can comes a groundbreaking development in church financial strategy, sure to go viral. Jesus Junk International believes Conference in a Carton is that strategy wrapped in cardboard box. Pastors realize that tithes and offerings are declining. Members, or Giving Units as they're called, want more bang for their... Continue Reading →

Christian-Easy Language Acquisition Unit

Has this ever happened to you? You wake on Sunday morning, head pounding from a night of riotous living, fully aware of an ever-increasing hole in your soul. You think, “I’m going to church to look for meaning in my life.” You drag out your weddings-&-funerals suit and unclip the candy cane pin from the... Continue Reading →

Soundbite Sermon

Ever since John the Baptist's epic revelation in John 3:30, evangelists and attorneys, pastors, prophets and politicians have been seeking a way to lock their speeches in the minds of the masses. They want a way to seal the essence of their message in the hearts of their audience. With the words-- He must increase, but I must... Continue Reading →

Animatronic Bible Bullpen

Imagine you’re sitting in church on a pristine Sunday morning and the pastor just delivered a fantastic message. He really touched on some subjects you needed to hear today and the bonus: he finished 15 minutes early. You’re gonna be the first in line at the Sizzler. Now you won’t miss out on the chili... Continue Reading →

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