Holy-Culture Landscaping

How many times have you struggled with something in your Christian walk and needed just a little break from the onslaught? How many times were you peering through the lens of the future and wanted some type of Holy-Spirit-inspired protection? Jesus Junk International knows you need a safe house. We’ve enlisted horticulture/gardening guru and consultant Leif Greenlee from the movie Eden 2: Snakes Alive, to offer you the first-ever opportunity of this kind. Be the first in your neighborhood to use the landscaping artistry of Holy-Culture.

Holy-Culture is a blending of lawn care and prayer. Remember that break you needed? Holy-Culture specializes in creating and maintaining the Hedge-of-Protection spoken of in so many prayers. Subscribing to Holy-Culture’s services will have your planting beds exploding with seasonal color, all the while drawing a boxwood line-in-the-sand for the Devil.

I know what you’re thinking–“How do they do it?” Holy-Culture’s Research and Development Department has elicited the top herbalist and botanist of the modern age to overcome the enemy. Several key factors not only stave off the Boogey Man but offer choices and variety to HC clientele:

• All hedges conform to the Rule of Sevens. The Bible clearly states that God’s number is seven so Holy-Culturists incorporate this concept into our design. For your hedge to have maximum power over Satan and his minions, it must be seven feet high with a median width of seven feet. We recognize that waiting for plants to grow to these dimensions will leave you unprotected for a significant time. Holy-Culture offers a transplant program for an additional fee. You can have fully developed shrubbery placed on the perimeter of your property to secure your loved ones from day one.

• All hedges are treated with a special repellant that wards off the Evil One. I know they say oil and water don’t mix, but somehow the Holy-Culture team did it. A 2:1 concoction of holy water harvested directly from the Vatican and olive oil (extra virgin, of course) is nebulized over the hedge after installation. The combined efforts of the holy water blended with the anointing oil are, powerful inoculants that will preserve the pristine, sin-free status of your estate.

• All hedges are seamless. That’s right; there isn’t an entry or exit. How can you expect to “Shut the Door and Keep out the Devil” with big gaping hole for that door? You can’t. The Holy-Culture team schedules your hedge-of-protection install, well in advance to allow clientele time to stockpile food, home school supplies, and Christian Bookstore clearance videos. For those who still have an affinity for “the world” we will mount a wooden door hand-carved by a Jewish carpenter out of cedar grown in Lebanon. Add to that our round-the-clock prayer vigil service and you can render your access to the hedonistic heathen playground relatively harmless.

These features and many more are why Holy-Culture is the premier Hedge-of-Protection service in the industry. Act now, for a limited time and have Leif Greenlee personally oversee the planting and maintenance of your hedge. Holy-Culture accepts all major credit cards as well as validating Messiah Miles.

As with any offer from Jesus Junk there is a 15% discount on bundle buying, so check out our catalog for more great products.

Have you ever felt like you needed a “hedge of protection?” Does God protect us even if we don’t invoke the “hedge of protection” in a prayer?